I’m Cranky Cuz I’m Not Gettin’ Any

It’s hot. It’s hot during the day and it’s hot at night. I get cranky when it’s hot all the time. I wake up in the morning, look at the thermometer in the hallway and do a little happy dance if it’s dropped below 80 degrees. There haven’t been many happy dances recently.

We don’t have an air conditioner. We don’t have a swamp cooler. We have ceiling fans and the Vornado.

We have the Vornado because the ceiling fan in our bedroom is dangling and wobbles when you use it. Not that I would ever use it even if it wasn’t wobbling. Because it hums. Try sleeping when you hear “hummmmmmm…..hummmmm……hummmmmm….” all night long. I would hear this annoying cyclical humming all night long because I wouldn’t be sleeping because I was hot. The Vornado is pretty quiet. It isn’t silent, but it doesn’t rhythmically hum all night. It’s more like a small motor running in the background but it doesn’t cycle up and down and hum so I can’t blame my craziness on humming. I have to to blame it on the heat ... and, of course, Dean.  Just because.

When I get hot I sweat.  As if hot flashes weren't enough.  I don’t mind sweating if there's a good reason for it.  Excuse me, “glowing”.  I remember reading somewhere once that “men sweat, “women glow”. I glow on the elliptical. I glow at hot yoga. I even glow if I’m working in the yard. But I hate glowing when I’m at home and just the movement of my arm raising a glass of ice water to my mouth can produce a glowing drip of moisture running down my already glowing face.

I was quietly expressing my dismay over the temperature last night with Dean. “You know” I said, “about this time of the year I begin to hate mowing the lawn. Okay, I hate it all the time, but by this time of year I’m just sick of mowing. Tonight when I mowed, I didn’t even weed-whack. And I don’t want to water the potted plants on the deck anymore. They’re all straggly and half dried up anyway. “

Then my mind started wandering. What do people who live where it’s warm year-round do? Do they have to mow their lawns every week of the year? Do they never get a time when they can push that mower into the shed, big smile on their face, and say “see ya next year!” How do they live with the pressure of knowing there will never be a time when there won’t be weeds in the garden or flower beds demanding attention. How DO they do it? Do any of you live under that kind of pressure?

My body and brain are beginning the mental adjustment toward guilt-free winter-time hunkering. I am beginning to think about quilting, and guilt-free afternoon movie watching when the snow is flying horizontally at 50 miles per hour. My body and spirit need those weeks and months of down time. Summer is nice and I look forward to it every year, but it’s a stressful time. I can only take so much of it. There’s just too much to do. There’s the lawn and the garden and the flowers and hiking and canoeing and barbecues. And then to top it off, it gets hot and then stays hot at night. And then I just become exhausted and cranky and crazy because I’ve been trying to get all those things done. And I’m hot. Hot all the time. Which is why I’m not gettin’ any.

Sleep.

What did you think I meant?◦

I’m Cranky Cuz I’m Not Gettin’ Any