Her bags are packed, ready and waiting. I am waiting but not ready.
I stood in her bedroom inhaling her perfume and absorbing aura of the room, hoping that when I walk into it again, walk into a room empty of all the things that have filled it for the past two weeks, it will be less painful. But really, I know that I will be crying when I pull off the sheets, crying when I vacuum the floor, crying as I dust the windowsills, because I am crying as I type this.
There are piles of stuff all over the house that Abby wants us to store or donate or keep, depending upon what it is. Life before and since Christmas has been busy and chaotic and fun which meant that the piles that I should have looked through just got moved from one spot to another as the need for space arose. I am hoping that I will be able to distract myself once we come home from the airport by finally sorting through, putting away, donating, getting rid of all those piles. What am I thinking? How is looking through things Abby had to decide she could not bring with her, but are/were part of her life going to distract me? Duh.
I thought I could write a light-hearted post about this whole last day thing but it turns out I can't. I'm sad and I don't care who knows it. But I know a week from today, or maybe even a couple of days from now I'll be better. I know that I have it easy. Staying in contact is so much easier and instantaneous than when I moved away and long-distance phone calls were expensive and a luxury and a hand-written letter once a week was the best way to keep in touch. I know that when Abby walks through the airport to the waiting arms of Jorge she will be fine. It doesn't matter where you are. It matters who you are with. And even if we aren't together physically, we are together in our hearts........and on Skype........and e-mail................and phone calls with cheap (cheap being a relative term) international phone cards.
I promise the next post will be happy.....ier..........not totally sad...........less sad.......................or maybe the post after that........................◦
