Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Out With The Old

No, I don't mean I'm getting rid of Dean although I won't deny the thought crossed my mind as I was writing my last post ... only for a half a second, honey. No, I have been forced to replace my loyal, reliable, and dependable dryer.

Goodbye my friend.

You were there waiting when we moved into the house of our dreams.

The house I swore to Dean he would have to drag me out of kicking and screaming. Four years later you moved with us to our current home with nary a whimper. You were older than Garfield and ABC World News Tonight. You were older than the first test-tube baby. You were as old as my first-born child. You survived the tumultuous teenage years when you were berated for shrinking clothing. Throughout your long, hard-working life you suffered only one minor illness and recovered quickly. But nine years ago the signs and symptoms of your aging body began to appear.

You fought valiantly through them, refusing to give in to the creaks and groans of old age. You were a true companion but you have earned your rest in that special dryer retirement scrap yard home. I will miss the thunderous, wall-shaking pounding that emanated from your body and kept me company for the past nine years. Farewell my faithful friend.

Hello brand new, energy-efficient, quiet new friend! I welcome you with open arms of wet clothing.

I loved you ... and then ... I walked back in during our first cycle together and discovered the laundry room had become a sauna. I loved you til I had to pull you out to try and reattach the dryer hose and there wasn't room to squeeze in so I had to also pull out the washing machine which was in mid-wash and full of water. I know my anger was mis-placed and I should have been mad at the guy who brought you to me two hours late, but he was gone and you were there. I loved you until I had to contort into a pretzel to get the hose attached and then push back the washing machine still full of water, and you, now wet with the moisture from a humid laundry room. I loved you til I had everything back in place and the pipe leading from you to the outside dryer vent fell off amidst a shower of old lint and dirt. I loved you until I couldn't get the pipe back up myself and I had to drag Dean down to do it. I loved you til we Dean had to pry the wiring away from the pipe to get it attached. His head had lint balls on it. There were words.

You are now attached to all your pipes and hoses and duct-taped up for good measure. And now you are working again and the laundry room is dry. You are so quiet when I turn you on that my heart jumps in fear you are broken. Clothes are drying so fast the washing machine can't keep up with you and is developing a complex. I love you again.



abby rose said...

Hahahaha! I can't believe the dryer finally kicked it! I thought I would be inheriting it...

Cathy said...

Actually the poor thing was still chugging along. I felt so bad for it I felt I should put it out of its misery. Dryer euthanasia.