Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Being Warm Isn't All It's Cracked Up To Be

I was thinking about how some blogs have an actual theme. There are no big surprises about what you’ll find in each post because you know when you begin reading they will be about some specific topic – like goldfish or pancakes or shoe addiction or traveling with Grandma (no, I didn’t make those up). And then I thought about my blog and I wondered if it should have some kind of premise or focus instead of just rambling words sprawled over a computer screen with no apparent point. I mulled that over for a while and then I finally came to this conclusion. I can’t write a blog with only one theme, even if that theme is Dean and all of his eccentricities unique qualities and bizarre distinctive art projects. I would be bored. But it occurred to me, after even more deep thought, that maybe I should offer something useful and focused at the end of all the words I write for no reason other than because I can.

Therefore I have decided that since the title of this blog is “StilWELLian” I will end each post with a health-related tip. Beginning today and continuing until I run out of tips, become ill or incapacitated, or just plain get bored with this idea, you can look forward with even more eagerness to the conclusion of each post. Beginning today when you reach the end and click “X” it won’t be with relief. Well, it will probably still be with relief, but now you’ll also have the added benefit of a thoughtful suggestion meant to help keep you and yours as healthy as a horse and as fit as a fiddle. That’s not to say I have a horse. Even if I did, I probably wouldn’t know if it was healthy. And I never did learn to play an instrument, let alone a fiddle. Well, I did play a jew’s harp way back when I was young and sprightly, but as far as knowing how to tell if any fiddle is fit, I don’t know that either. However, I am not dissuaded by my lack of horse knowledge or musical ability so without further ado I bring you the first ever end-of-the-post We Will Get Healthy And Strong Or Die Trying Tip – otherwise known as WWGHASODTT (pronounced just the same as if you were sneezing.)


It is very important to exercise not only your body but all five senses on a daily basis. Push yourself to your edge but do not be a victim of peer pressure. Hearing loss, arthritis and cataracts will come soon enough.

Here are some examples of how you can keep your senses in good condition:

• Keep your nose clear of obstruction but do not honk unless you are prepared to feed the geese.

• Open your eyes wide and look left, right, up, down and all around. Note: If you live in a state with gentle breezes similar to ours and you are exercising those eye muscles outside, make sure you can find your way to a garden hose to wash out the bugs, dirt and bits of plastic bag that will attach to your eyeballs.

• Wiggle your fingers and toes to keep them limber, but not in front of a kitty with claws.

• Be adventurous in your food choices but do not lick rocks if you don’t know where they’ve been.

• Play your iPod but be smart about it. Start low and work up gradually to the point where it can be heard from five feet away.

Here’s how I chose to exercise my senses just last week:

• What’s that smell? Is it burning rubber? I’m not sure, but I think I smell burning rubber.

• The burning rubber smell can’t be coming from my cubicle space heater because I don’t see any flames.

• I can touch the space heater and my fingers aren’t burning or stuck to melting plastic.

• My mouth tastes like burning rubber. If it’s not my space heater maybe somebody burned popcorn in the microwave again.

• What did you say? The burning rubber smell IS coming from my cubicle? Really? Are you sure? Oh.



abby rose said...

I especially like the part about not licking rocks.

The Fuhrmans said...

I knew there was a reason I wear glasses and not contacts... no eye washing.