Thursday, April 21, 2011

The Candy Made Me Do It

Did you think I’d been so busy working out and making up for lost time at the gym that I was too busy to write anything in this “really? .. you read this?” blog? You imagined me sweating in yoga or puffing on the elliptical or fighting the winds on the sidewalks of Wyoming? Seriously? What planet are you living on? Because I’m living on the Planet of the Unfit Woman which you can take to mean, “hell, no, I haven’t been working out or seen the inside of the gym or breaking a sweat.”

I HAVE been thinking about it – a fair amount, actually. I think about it every time I button my pants, or inadvertently catch my reflection in the mirror. I thought about it so much that last night I had convinced myself I was going to walk through that gym door tonight. When I woke up I remembered that promise but I wasn’t sure Thursday was the best day to begin a new exercise routine. On the way to work I was pretty sure that I should wait until Monday. “It IS Easter weekend after all”, I thought. “I should probably just relax and enjoy the holiday.” When I got to work I was positive I should wait until Monday. “Monday will be better. It’ll be a fresh start for me.”

And then I read Art’s blog post. Of course I read it on my break. I would never, ever, read a blog during work hours. No, that would be as unacceptable as the way I've been treating my body during the past I don't even know how many weeks. Gosh, no. I wouldn’t even consider it. How could you even think that?  Anyway….after I read his post I was ashamed of my total lack of concern for my own body. I sat there hanging my head in shame. And, no, my eyes were NOT closed. I would never, ever, close my eyes while I am sitting in front of my computer at work. Sheesh. As I was saying, after I was finally able to raise my head and face my reflection in the computer screen again, I started thinking I should probably go to the gym tonight after all. I would go right after work. Almost positively. Pretty dang sure.

It just so happened that instead of eating lunch today I ran an errand. When I got back and thought about my new exercise plan, it seemed logical that since I hadn’t eaten lunch, I probably didn’t have to begin my new exercise plan tonight. And I sure wouldn’t want to start working out on the Friday of an Easter weekend. What good would THAT do? I’d just have to start over on Monday anyway. But my stomach had not gotten the message that nothing would be filling it and I was forced to grab the closest food item to appease it – Dove chocolate squares.   Now, you’d think I might just eat one square of chocolate and see if that would shut the stomach up, but no. Not me. I read the back of the bag and saw that one serving was five whole squares and I LOVE those chocolate squares, so in my own warped brain I took that as a sign that I should eat one full serving. Unfortunately, I ate ... well, let’s just say I ate more than one serving. But here’s the spooky part. That candy was talking to me. It was sending me a message. These candies have little messages written inside the foil. I normally don’t read them because I’m too busy unwrapping the next square to take the time to smooth it out but for some mysterious reason I did read the wrapper from what was not only the very last square of chocolate I ate, but the very last square of chocolate from the bag. The • Very • Last • One. Do you know what it said?

Not only red sweater but red bracelet!

Do you know what I was wearing today? I know! Spoooooooky. I had to answer that chocolate somehow. I had to let it know I got its message.

 So guess what I did? I went to the gym. Yup. I did.

Cuz, dang it; if that candy knows when I’m wearing red, if I continue on this path of indolence, the next time I unwrap one of those wonderful squares it might tell me I look good in elastic-waisted double-knit pants.


Leslie said...

You never know. You could look good in stretch knit pants....especially red ones.

Art Elser said...

Good for you, Cathy. Although I can't imagine, in my wildest imagination, you not looking trim and svelte. Perhaps your mirror is playing tricks. I know that pants shrink so the buttons are hard to button. ;-))))))

ps The word verification is "pante" I wonder if they come in red?

Abby said...

That IS spooky!

My word verification was fitylai...hmmmm